Today is the day we celebrate Your entry into this world. It is a day that makes me very happy. I had no idea what I was truly missing until I found You. You are yellow cake with chocolate frosting, hope, future, strength, creativity, funny, caring, compassionate, crazy, OCD, my lover, my friend, my supporter, and my hope. I bless Your momma for bringing You to all of us who get to share a piece of You. We are all blessed by knowing You and having You in our lives. Happy birthday.
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I know a butterfly
At least she will be one Someday
Right now she wiggles in her skin
uncomfortable and itchy but not sure why
She crawls along seeing only the things that her
legs take her to
because it’s all she knows
all she has ever known
She chews on the green leaves
figuring that she is destined for this type of life
and this type of existence
Far below she sees color and hope
but now feels that it is not for her
the stale green will suffice
and she will learn to be content in it
But her heart yearns
her stomach aches
and her mind dreams dreams
of a different life
of gliding and soaring
of floating and climbing to new heights
And Someday it will come
but first will be a kind of death
that will hurt
but will lead to a metamorphosis
And then her true colors will come out
she will spread her wings and fly
and be the butterfly that I see
while she is still a caterpillar
Someday a butterfly
I have jumped off the cliff. I’ve been playing on the edge and have been getting ready to jump for too many years. Thursday night, I did it. I jumped and am in free fall. Not sure what the bottom is going to look like. Pretty sure that there will be some bumps and bruises n the way down. At first, the only thing I could think of was my failure and the pain that this is sure to cause others. Then, as I was falling, I began to worry about my ability to make myself whole so as to never have to jump again. Now I feel calmer as I continue my free falling. Only time will tell how the landing will be. While I’m falling I’ll work on me so I’m healthy enough to Someday be a WE.
The time has come to quit screwing around with people and their emotions and lives. I have not been happy for years and have hoped for a change or at least a release from my promises/vows. If I want change I am going to have to be the one that does it and NOW is the time. The alarm has gone off. The bell has rung. The page has turned. I may end up alone but I will have been honest. I may have a better future but I will not be stuck in a loveless relationship. Vanilla will be set aside. I will wait for a compatible curry. And I thank my friend who has affirmed for me “it’s time.”
I got up and took a shower after an interesting night in the hostel. Had breakfast of scones and cereal, packed up my stuff (minus my towel) and checked out. I headed down to the ferry terminal and purchased my ferry tickets then went and had another meal figuring I would not have a chance for lunch while traveling. I have the breakfast special which was eggs, toast, bacon (the Scottish equivalent of US bacon, one sausage, baked bean (because that is apparently a breakfast food) and tea with milk and sugar. I then boarded the ferry at 11:45. The sights were amazing, including a castle on the Isle of Mull that we passed.
Once on Mull, I purchased my bus ticket at the bus and headed across the island. It was a beautiful drivewithlush green hills and water cascading down, Sheep in the pastures and cattle in the fields. I even gotnto see some highland cattle. What a beautiful sight. After a short ferry ride I arrive on Iona and walked up the hill in search of were I was staying. I eventually puns pursers the MacLoud Centre was and as I approached met two people coming down. Eric and Moira welcomed me and told me there were only three of us at Mac this week. The Abby is full with a church group and it’s the end of the season. We are going to be a small intimate family.
After checking in I unpacked and headed down the hill with my camera and found the bar, ordered a Guinness and headed outside to read and reflect on all that had happened so far. I came back for dinner of baked potatoes, Cole slaw, and baked beans. I had a little of everything since I am going to try new things. It wasn’t too bad. After dinner they said were were having “pudding.” I forgot that’s what they call dessert. It was a cake with raspberry filling that we poured cream over. It was interesting but good. The night included an introductory meeting with all guests of both places followed by worship. What a wonderful place to hold a service. I can see why some who have come have tried to replicate it at their home but I think the experiences not replicable but the concepts are.
After worship we headed back to our common room and I had tea and talked with a Scottish minister who is our resident director (?) and was part of the original group that helped restore this place. We had a wonderful discussion about the Presbyterian church in Scotland and the US. THis is proving to be a very interesting week already.
It seems to me that one of the things I need to learn from this week is to live in the moment. We are told what is happening between the current meal and the next meal. All other things we do not need to worry about. I had not realized how much ilike and need control before I took this trip. Still don’t know what to expect so I’m going with the flow and learning to live in the moment. I look forward to see what the next day brings.
It’s been over 24 hours since I had any real sleep. I awoke before 6:00 with the anticipation of the journey. It’s still not done and I think that part of this experience may be NOT knowing what the heck I’m doing.
I like being in charge and knowing what lies ahead. Toward this end I have read blogs from people who have gone to Iona so I feel like I know a little of what is in store for me there. What I had no idea about was the specifics of how to get here. It started in Chicago when I had to haul ass to get from terminal 1 to terminal 5. Then in Dublin I made it to my next plane and on to Glasgow. My backpack made it and I found the shuttle bus to the bus terminal which brought me to Oban (a nearly 3 hour bus ride) once here I had no idea where my hostel was but a kind shop owner pointed me in the right direction in the pouring rain. Checked in and found when the ferry sails. I’ll book all of that in the morning in usin the bus across the Isle of Mull and another ferry. What an adventure this has been so far and it’s barely begun!
I sit here in the Portland airport with butterflies in my stomach and excited anticipation in my heart. After a friend suggested study leave in Scotland I was intrigued and did my research. It’s fairly cheek and I have added on one week in Ireland to visit friends, my homeland, and reflect on the experience I will have living in community in Iona. I’m not exactly sure what the next two weeks hold but I am certainly looking forward to it.
Sometimes I think I am too blessed
Sometimes I think that Someday will never arrive
Sometimes I think that love like we’ve shared is unreal
Sometimes I think You’ll become bored with me
You’ll see me for the person I think is unlovable
Sometimes I can hardly control myself know how much You love me
Sometimes I don’t want to control myself
Sometimes I forget to breath when I think about You/Us
Sometimes I see us happy and living together in SOMEDAY
with each breath I feel You
with each breath Your name is on my lips
with each breath we are that much closer
to Someday
